Ok, I think I've sussed it. I want him more when he isn't with me. When he is with me I have less interest. Unless it's night time of course - then I'd say I'm all his.

I can't make my mind up.

Sometimes I'm attracted, sometimes I'm not. I feel more connected at night time to him than when I see him during the day. Then again I am nocturnal and feel more awake at night.

Hmm I'll see.

Dreams Confuse the Reality

So last night I was having 'thoughts' about a guy I really like. I'll call him N. We're sort of seeing each other though the last time we properly saw each other was at the BBQ his sister was having a few weeks ago. Not like Sunday night at a house party where he walked his sister there and I bolted out the car desperate for loo having just downed a can of Diet Coke shouting only 'Hi!' to him as I legged it past him.

Beforehand I'd been a bit confused because I thought I was going off him, especially after flirting with a barman in Turkey. I won't lie, I barely thought about N and actually forgot what he looked like one night. And trust me, this was definitely not down to drunkenness.

Coming home with holiday blues left me a bit confused then whether I like him or not. Then there was the BBQ and then I got over the holiday blues (with occasional homesickness)so I felt more certain. I still like the barman, no denying he was hot!

These thoughts were welcome then about N. But I had the craziest dream where this was all happening and more with the barman last night! This confused me when I woke up. I shouldn't let it, but my mind easily goes into overdrive. It doesn't overthink things logically I think, only when dreams interfere.

Christ I sound like a loony, but at least I got it off my chest.

The Results

So I got my results:

Drama - C
English Lit. - D
Psychology - U

I was pretty pleased with my first two, would've liked better in Drama, but it's a good pass so I won't complain too much. English I was just grateful to get that after the fail of a resit where I just sat there and wrote near enough sweet frig all.

Psychology was a different matter though. I'd already resat one paper then had to do another within a week. I'd felt confident while answering the questions and came out of both exams feeling like I'd done good. Apparantly not.
Luckily I'm still in 6th Form and still doing all three subjects. The compromise on Psychology is I resit the paper I did worst one which means having to teach myself by January to boost my overall grade.

A picnic followed with some of the girls to look back on our results, talk about the people who did shockingly bad or good. It turned into a better day because of this, as bad as this sounds, I felt good about being able to stay in 6th Form at least. Some people now have to look at their other options.

In fact I stayed up pretty late trying to cheer one friend up who unexpectedly got three Us. He wants to be a teacher and spent most of Thursday night worrying about having to do the year again with a bunch of retards and how it would affect his chances of getting into Uni to become a teacher. I sat there and tried to look at positives and help him realise that when he becomes a teacher it wouldn't matter about how he got there. Also, he slagged off the school, saying how shit it is and how it the school can go fuck itself. Well, it can't be that shit if some people have passed their AS Levels. To be honest, it was like talking to a brick wall so I eventually thought 'Fuck it, I'm off to bed' and did so.

Results Tomorrow... Lush

12:05 - In 10 hours and 25 mins I'm going to recieve my AS results.

I know they're not as important as the A Levels themselves, but it has personal importance. I want the hours of revision and coursework to be worth something. Also, if it's unbelievably shocking bad results, then you're out of 6th Form, or have to repeat a year.

Neither of those things I want to do.

Mighty results God, I will give you all my carpets and Turkish delight on my bazaar stall if you give me good results!

I am so convinced I suffer from S.A.D. I know it's seasonal but I don't know of one that's related to the weather, unless it's called 'W.A.D'.

Yesterday I posted a happy post about how much I love the sun. Today I sat in the living room waiting for dinner looking listlessly out the window to the dark sky and torrental rain that plummeted down. Suddenly I felt pretty down too. I shouldn't worry too much though. As far as I'm concerned it can rain all it wants on my head, it's just when it starts to rain inside my head there's a problem.

Anyway, I think I may have found a way to combat this. I've decided to try writing some monologues. But of course, these monologues will have a theme - and not just any theme. Yes lads and ladies they're holiday based monologues. The idea came to me after a crazy dream I had the other night about a friend running off to be with a guy she met on holiday this year; well I'm expanding on that theme to make a monologue out of it. I'll trawl reviews on Tripadvisor and other websites like that and then maybe create something out of them, just as another outlet to my blogging.

Got to say it's way more fun thinking up stuff like this instead of an essay for English Lit. Now we know where the curriculum is going wrong!

I've noticed that I've also made a post for everyday I've had this blog so far. Most of them have been posted in the dead of night where I'm still awake, but no worries - once I've started back at 6th Form the posts will probably more infrequent while I'm trying to keep up with work, but I'll try to post when I can because it's getting pretty enjoyable now.

Iyi geceler okuyucular :)

Bebek Kedi xx

Here Comes the Sun

There is nothing I love more than a warm sunny day. And when I say warm, I mean warm enough for shorts and vest tops. As I type this, I'm relaxing on the grass in my back garden with my school books beside me.

Yeah the school work isn't coming along as brilliantly as I thought it would. Though, to be fair, it's the friggin Summer Holidays! We should be chilling out every day socialising with friends outside and then having occaisional lazy days bumming out watching TV. School shouldn't even be thought about until results day or about two weeks before starting back when you get stationary and new uniform. Not gonna lie, I actually like the whole getting new stationary part of it because there are so many cute designs now!

So the only thing annoying me about this sunny day is that it's the first one we've had this August - no joke in the two weeks I've been home from Turkey it's either been raining or just really cloudy - sucks to be a British teenager sometimes.
I hope the sun stays now until the end of September, just so the weekends are nice too.

The only thing missing is a bar and a beach. ;D


Bebek Kedi xx

My S List

Sun
Sea
Shots
Songs
Summer
Stars
Sunglasses
Scarves
Shoes
Short shorts!
Salsa dancing
Shopping!
Simple skin care - it's a miracle
Saturdays and Sundays - weekend baby!
Sand
Samir Nasri - hawt!
Sex
Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants - my favourite film
Sangria
Shakira - love her music
Strawberries
Shakespeare - to some this may be weird but I don't care - means I'm more cultured :P

Please note: this list is in no particular order

Blog Names Explained

So here's how I picked my name on Blogger:

I have an obsession with the country Turkey after two holidays there now. I'm learning the language which is what my name is in. 'Bebek Kedi' is Turkish for 'Baby Cat'. You may be asking 'Why not just have kitten in Turkish?' The reason for it not being that it is a joke on what all English girls are known as in Turkey by the men, 'Baby'. It's easier to remember than their actual name seeing as there are different girls to flirt/shag every week. Bit of a joke really, but I like the translation of baby into Turkish.
The Cat bit is very simple: according to the majority of my friends I resemble a cat. This was hated at first because I'm not much of a cat person. However, I've come around to it as it's worked in my favour of making them look more cat like with make up, which coincidentally pulls in more looks from guys.

Obviously Baby Cat doesn't sound too amazing in English, so it made sense to translate it into Turkish. It resulted with 'Bebek Kedi' which sounds waay more interesting to me.

Here's how I picked the blog name:

I have a long list of my favourite things which most of them begin with 'S'. I'll post the list at a later date. Blog names aren't really that easy to pick unless your blog has a specific thing to blog about, like football or fashion. So to find something about a teenage girls ramblings and unimportant thoughts was a bit more difficult.
Having just come back from holiday, I realised that there were three things which pretty much summed up my two weeks (as well as other things): Sun, Sea and Shots. Alliteration in a blog name is easier to remember too, thinking about it. I also realised that these three things are what I aspire to have in my life everyday in the future, so it made perfect sense.

And that guys and girls is how I came to pick my two names. Not exciting I know, but at least that's one thing cleared up!

Bebek Kedi xx

Not gonna lie - this is definately not my first blog. I've had many reincarnations over the years since I was 14. I hope now this is the last one to last me a lifetime. The mix seems right; I have a new outlook on life and new plans and wishes I hope will work and come true one day. I'm also starting a new phase of my life and it figures that starting new things in new phases of life are more likely to stick (though this isn't always true).

I'm 17 heading into Year 13, so I'll be applying and auditioning for various drama colleges - yay I love the stress of it - as well as sitting my A Levels. It's times like this I wonder why I picked English Lit and it's also bollocks when it's said A-Levels are getting easier I really don't think they are.

I am so into my acting it's unreal, I love the idea of being a different person everyday if I want to and the attention from everyone while your on stage feels good - it means your doing a good job, either that or you're flashing. Dancing is another great thing in my life, I'm not cut out for vocational college but I love it so much I'll still be doing it into my 80s.

That's a brief look at me. Blog names will be explained in a later post.

Bebek Kedi xx